How am I?

 I'm back! The first quarter of 2021 is almost done. I've not written any blogs here for almost 3 months. I've been busy.

Well, the year started with me dealing with health issues. The year 2020 ended with me dealing with health issues too. It seems that eventhough it's a new year, I've been dealing with the same struggles that I've had last year.

Since second week of January, I've been on and off hospital and doctor visits, laboratory tests, ECGs, ultrasound and MRI. So, what is this I am dealing with? For full disclosure, I am experiencing imbalance. I was diagnosed with vertigo and anemia. 

Anemia is very common to me as I've struggle with it maybe my whole life. But vertigo is new to me. It is so hard to be doing the normal day to day routines. Believe it or not, since January I've been dizzy/ having imbalance. I'm kinda stressed about my health. I've been very vulnerable about this too. I've been asking people to pray for me and with me. To be honest, it's tough and exhausting.

I've been following doctor's advice, taking my iron supplements and doing my exercises. But the imbalance is still here. I've been cleared with MRI, no ear infection and such. They just told me that I've had migraines. But I'm still struggling with my dizziness. You might still see me make vlogs, go out in the park but I've been pushing myself to be back to normal but I'm struggling and it's so hard. 

Now what?

This year, I've also started studying Psalms. Do you know that in the 150 chapters of Psalms, 48 are lament psalms. When we say lament psalms, these are psalms that are crying out for help to the Lord. 

Some of these psalms were written by King David when He was running away from Absalom (Psalm 3), Saul (Psalm 52) or the time when he was betrayed (Psalm 54). The man after God's own heart wrote alot of lament psalms. He even penned these words: 

"Why do you stand afar off O Lord, why do you hide jn times of trouble? (Psalms 10:1)"

"How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? (Psalms 13)"

"My God, my God why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me? And from the words of my groaning? O My God, i cry in the daytime, but you do not hear. And in the night season and am not silent. (Psalm 22:1-2)

Sometimes these are also my feelings to the Lord. 

"Lord, for how long will I suffer?"

"For how long I have to wait?"

"Don't hide from me and hear my prayers Lord. "

Reading these psalms give me a little bit of a glimpse of King David's struggles and sufferings. But one thing that really encourages me is that after these words, He often declares God's goodness at the middle or the end of the chapter. 

"But I have trusted in your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because He has dealt bountifully with me. Psalms 13:5-6. "

He is confident that the Lord will deliver Him in times of trouble. He only just need to wait patiently for the Lord (Psalm 40:1, 37:7). I've read these verses a lot of times. I think it's the same calling God is giving me. To rest in Him and wait patiently for Him (psalm 37:7). They said patience is a virtue. This is something that I am struggling with. I think this is the right time that God is really telling me to stop... stop worrying, rest upon Him and wait patiently.

For those who have been praying with me and for me, thank you so much. I pray that the Lord will bless you and give you joy and strength for day to day. Please continue to pray for my health and please add patience to wait upon the Lord.

Thank you for reading. God bless